Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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