I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
