I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
