She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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