So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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