I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
