since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
