it was like his penis was on wheels.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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