i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
