it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
