I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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