i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
