my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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