My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
