i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
