how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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