So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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