There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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