hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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