we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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