Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
