Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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