So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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