you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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