i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
