I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
