He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
