i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
