Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
