My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
one might say we're banned from that church
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
