i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
