I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
