when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
