she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
