i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
