I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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