first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
