girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
