All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
