Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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