I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
