Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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