i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
