I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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