Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
