My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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