Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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