Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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