oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
