I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
