thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
