Jerry, you need to find god
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
